No matter how old or young we are, we always try to idealize our life; the perfect partner, the perfect house, the perfect job, perfect car, even the perfect pet. And why not? It's our life, everybody should be allowed a perfect dream. But the problem is that it is exactly what it pretends to be; a dream. Now I am not saying that all of us don't end up having the perfect lives. We do. Like any long project, we are adept at breaking down these dreams into goals, goals translate into timelines, and timelines lead to deadlines! As we grow up, we realize its not just about setting goals, but also about prioritizing, letting go of some of your ephemeral desires in interests of the larger scheme of things.
I recently met up with a dear friend of mine, we have known each other since our school days(FIITJEE days to be precise). I will always remember her as this petite young woman, with wild curly hair tied firmly in a rubber band, roaming around the coaching school halls in her shorts revealing those envious chicken legs (mine used to resemble more like ham!). Little has changed by way of her looks, for which I am very thankful. Shoot me for being a coward, for wanting some comforting constants in my life! It makes life that much simpler, to locate her in unknown meeting places, in overcrowded restaurants and railway stations once every year. By some strange twist of fate, we have always been able to meet up once in a year ever since I moved out of Delhi 6 years ago. I would give an arm and a leg for keeping this babe in my life for as long as I live, would hop on a plane in a hurry to fly half way across the world just for an afternoon siesta somewhere in the lanes of Paris if need ever arose.
But, my nice little 'constant' world received a kick in the shins this time when I met her. Yeah, she looked the same, maybe filled out a little(thank the dear lord and cheesecakes I suspect), but yet something was amiss. Half way through the first hour, the errant bulb flicked on. My most adorable firebrand, the girl with a million revolutionary ideas for changing the world, the restless lass who couldn't stick to one thought for too long, had at last discovered the world she was born in wasn't half that bad. And this transformation could only be credited to a blossoming relationship she had decided finally worth getting into. I found myself recognizing the same patterns that I had fallen prey to 2 years back and it was then when I started realizing the full impact of "letting go" of dreams for the sake of the larger scheme. Its often not the dreams of perfect house or the perfect car one lets go to attain the nirvana of happiness we seek...It's the crazy dreams, dreams of going out there and doing something, dreams anticipation of which made us the angst ridden,opinionated, rock loving, head banging rebels of our youth. We mellow down, we kill the wanderlust that seemed to be so inherent in our souls once upon a time, we pit our dreams against each other, we rationalize. It's often said the rebels, the poets, the artists, the revolutionaries have to live with the pain and the genius of their art, the choices they make. Perhaps, its only the destiny of the few to endure the pain while the rest of us compromise and lead an ordinary, happier life.
And when the dreams which aren't fully dead yet try to tantalize you time and again, you shut yourself in a room, and create a completely pointless post at 1am in the night to get over it.
